Livin’ In The Goondocks: A KBS Love Story


“Our parents, they want the bestest stuff for us.  But right now they gotta do what’s right for them, ’cause it’s their time.  Their time, up there.  Down here it’s our time.  It’s our time down here.” –Mikey Walsh, Goonies (1985)

If anything rings true about finding and consuming arguably one of the best beers made by man, Mikey nails it.  This is a story about the adventure of not only consuming KBS, but the adventure in finding it.  If anyone reading this still has yet to find and taste KBS for the first time, please don’t feel discouraged.  For those of you who are still deep in the hunt, this blurb should make the final chapter of your story all that much sweeter when you finally find Willie’s Rich Stuff.  And behold the awesomeness that is Founder’s Kentucky Breakfast Stout.

This was my first year searching and trying KBS.  I have been aware of the exclusivity of said beer, but never really thought about dedicating time and effort in acquiring it.  For whatever reason; the weather, time of day, lack of engagement at work, I was ready.  Ready to step up and swing at the plate.  But would I call my shot and hit a home run, or pull a Brandon Inge and go down swinging?

It all started one afternoon.  A Twitter blast went out from a local Beer and Wine shop that was retweeted by my fellow GLL cohort.  It mentioned a raffle for the chance to buy “TWO” bottles of KBS.  At first I thought this was rather absurd.  A raffle?  To win the chance to buy two bottles?  Whatevs.

As the minutes passed by, this hunger touched my inner soul.  No way was some half-ass supermarket and brewery going to control my destiny of consumerism and beer consumption.  I was going to do something about it!  And thus I feigned like I had someplace to be and walked out of my office and into my car.  I was going to enter the drawing.  Through the power of positive thinking I was going to win this mockery and buy KBS!

I got to the store and at a lonesome register in the middle of the sales floor I sheepishly asked the worker if I could fill out a ticket for the raffle.  She handed me a pen and a 2 inch long piece of paper and said, “Just put your email address and phone number, please.”

That’s it?  That’s all you need?  What about my name?  When I win this, won’t you need these things?  I did what she asked and I walked over to the big golden wheel of luck and put my name into the bin.

OH S#$%!

As I looked inside after I released my paper, I was the only person who didn’t fold his paper.   ROOKIE!  Regret was all I could muster under my breath.  And as soon as I decided to enter and believed I was to win this farce, I felt as though I lost it.  Dangit!

Next time.

Next time I’ll fold the paper.

Next time.

Next time is when I will win this insanely farcical contest.

This time?

This time I blew it before it began.

Oh well.  Chalk this up as a learning lesson.  I’m a fool.  Move along, rook.

And that was it, for about a week, I forgot about the beer; the beer, the raffle, the adventure.  Time was passing and then suddenly the Twitverse was ablaze with one topic, KBS.  That’s when I got the fire in the belly to stoke and as the 15 minutes of hashtag trending news frenzied around the Interwebs, my journey came to completion with a single email.


SUBJECT:  Insanely Farcical Contest

“Dear contest entry, you have been selected….”


I wanted to scream like an NKOTB fan in 1989.

Work was holding me back!  It was Friday and by the power of Greyskull I was breaking my chains of bondage.  I got up for lunch and concluded I was making a day of this.  I calmly packed up my desk and walked out the door.  As I entered the parking lot, I began skipping.  I was going to get my bottles of KBS, and enjoy the first day of spring in Detroit, Tiger’s Opening Day.  Yes Thin Lizzy, the boys are back in town.

Part of the allure of this beer is the adventure.  But all the fuss is quickly made worth it with one sip.  The beer is heavenly.  Perfectly blended with chocolate and whiskey.  Strong and subtle.  All the mystique and allure I felt before having it was validated with the first sniff of the nose and pour into the mouth.  This is what great beer is like.  And the anticipation is worth it.

For those that haven’t had it: make it a mission to find it and have it.  Have your own little adventure.  It’s your time, your time down here.  At GLL, we pride ourselves not only in the consummation of spectacular suds, but in the hunt of the prey.  I guess if we were hunters, we’d spend weeks in a deer blind with a weapon waiting for that perfect specimen to take down and make Fred Bear proud.  I am not that guy though, but rest assured we get the gist and seek the visceral pump that comes from being meticulous in getting what you want.  It makes the trophy all the more sweet.

I was able to get my hands on a good amount of KBS this year.  Mostly due to the local folks who share a passion for Michigan Craft beer here on the Web and the good community of industry types locally that we support year round.  To all of them, we say thank you.  So, until next year or until the next rare release, we will be preparing.  I suggest you do the same.  Go find some rich stuff!



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